Wednesday, August 22, 2012

On Love, Facebook, and "The One"

How do you know when you've found the one?

Is it like some people say, those lucky ones who say "you just know"? Is it some kind of planetary alignment which wills two people's hearts to cross and never part? Is there a way to know when you've met the person with whom you can share the rest of your life?

When I log into Facebook now, nearly at age 28, I am greeted by photos of babies first rolls, wedding reception dances, and status changes to "engaged" or better yet "married". People with whom I once shared math class and milkshakes are now buying houses and patio furniture.

Perhaps stranger and more disturbing than all the cake photos and ultrasound profile pictures are the ones of our exes. We all have them, and we all do the same thing once and a while, even though it never feels right. Facebook has permitted us access to information, photos, and emotional stresses that we really have no business knowing about. It's never a good idea, but when it's made so easy, it's hard to resist a simple click.

Though that person and you have personal history, what brought you together in your time doesn't matter anymore. You exist as each other's history. Knowing this, is it any harder to know for certain whether the next person for whom your heart jumps will be there in 2, 5, 10, or even 20 years?

When we do find the next someone with whom we develop a relationship, is it with the passing of time that the person becomes "the one"? Or is it that at a certain age, we stay with whoever we find ourselves with? Is the commitment to marry a natural progression, the next logical step for two people of marrying age? Are the relationships around me people who met at the right time, when both people were ready to commit to a future?

What I'm also curious about is how friends of mine, classmates, co-workers and other acquaintances are finding their "one". Do they really know they've found it? Or does part of everyone still wonder if there might be someone else out there with whom they could be star-crossed? With whom white paint chips and car seat models have no bearings? With whom time stands still, and the world ceases to exist?

Does such a love exist outside of films and love songs? Are all the Facebook wedding albums actually proof of soulmates, proof of destiny, and proof of the real, true, mad love I believe in?

Of my single friends, and those with boyfriends too, many face the same dilemma: How will I know when I've found him?

I'm wondering the same thing lately, too.


  1. Kerri, I like to remember a quote from the movie "Pina", about the life and work of Pina Bausch. On love, and on 'the one', may make sense.

    "[Pina] decía a veces unas frases como: tienes que seguir buscando..., pero no decía nada más y entonces había que seguir buscando, sin saber muy bien a dónde y sin saber si estabas en la dirección justa."

    Silvia Farias Heredia

  2. I'm not a religious person and I don't believe in soul mates, but I can honestly say that I found "the one." It's such a strange feeling, really almost indescribable. I knew it the day I met him and I knew it the day I married him. Now that doesn't mean we have the perfect relationship, but I swear I fall deeper in love with this man each and every day!

  3. You don't. I'm afraid. You only find out by trying. If it works, cool. If not, you move on. I once got into an argument with my family (Koreans!) about co-habitation. My position was: "you don't buy a car without a test drive". Theirs was: "marriage is not a car". The difference was never reconciled.

  4. @raphael - thank you for the quotation, but no ablo espanol! can you translate it?

    @andi - how amazing. i dream of that moment where you "just know". you must be very happy to know every day why you are with him.

    @anonymous - interesting, but a little sad that your family was so stubborn..

  5. I don't think there really is a certain "one". I've been married for almost 20 years and it's had ups and downs just like anything else in life. We don't always share the same view point or interest in things, but we do enjoy each others company and we also understand when each other needs their space. Maybe this will sound boring but I think a marriage partner needs to first be a friend then a lover. They don't need to complete you but to compliment you!

  6. Of course, Kerri. In english, the quotation is something like:

    "[Pina] used to say some phrases like: you have to keep searching..., but she didn't say nothing more. So I had to keep searching, not quite sure where or if I were on the right direction."

    It's a beautiful movie to see, if you have the opportunity. :)

  7. @TimelessTrinkets - "they don't need to complete you but compliment you".. i'm going to carry this thought with me. thank you!

    @Raphael - thank you for the translation, i like the vagueness of the quotation.

  8. I've been wondering the same thing lately. I don't know if I can't find the answer, because there's none, because I haven't felt it yet, or because I don't want to admit that there's no such person as "the one".
    I've had beautiful loves in my life, I still feel the love when I think about it. There is also a story I regret. I can already see a difference. I guess there are the ones you truly loved, and the ones that you don't remember of with your heart racing. But is there the one? I'm not sure.


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