my philosophy on love

i believe any man could be the right man for me, at any given moment in my life. i also believe that people come into our lives for a reason, be it to teach us something, to help us through something, or to just enjoy the great times together.

in all of my past relationships, something hasn't quite been in line to keep us in love for the long run. accordingly, i have spent a lot of time looking back on what i consider my most successful relationships. i examine which parts of the relationship were fully satisfying for me, and which parts could have been improved.

now at 27, i think i've finally got a theory that seems to hold water for me, as well my friends who i've explained it to.

love has three elements: mind love, heart love, and sex love: for lasting love, all three of these elements must be in line.

first, mind love. mind love is having stimulating conversations, and being able to make each other laugh. it also means being able to understand each other, and be patient when things aren't alright. mind love is the insatiable adoration that you have for your partner's brain. you want to hear that person's thoughts, and you enjoy the way the express themself. of course, your partner should also be as interested and crazy about the way you think, which gives you the energy for those amazing into the night conversations that just make life feel so worth it. think before sunrise.

next comes heart love. heart love is missing your partner, and the happiness and enjoyment that comes simply from being near that person. wanting to spend more time with them, having a hard time saying goodbye, and staring at your partner's photos are all signs of heart love. it's also that feeling inside you when you hear those three magic words. heart love can lead us to do silly things, like midnight drives in the rain, and it's probably what romeo and juliet were feeling when they snuck away together.

now we come to sex love. sex love shows itself after a long day out in the world, coming home and embracing as soon as the door is closed. sex love is the throw down, the i-need-you-now, the groceries-in-hand kisses. the passion, when you stare at your partner and just admire the little idiosyncrasies that make them yours. when the hedonists in you both find paradise in one another's arms, and never feel it is enough. sex love is exclusive, primal, and absolutely worth losing sleep over.

so what happens when one of these loves is out of line? the relationship is so close to perfect, but part of you is left a little unsatisfied.

if mind love is out of line, you might end up fighting where understanding is needed, or resenting the logic of your partner's decisions.

if heart love is out of line, someone might be too busy to make the "goodnight" call, or you might start wondering if your partner still has feelings for a former fling.

if sex love is out of line, your once passionate kisses could turn into pecks.

i realize this is a grand simplification of relationships, and that there will be many people who could disagree with my three concepts. However, when I look back on my own life, I see relationships which start out with two loves strong enough to overpower the missing link. As time goes on, though, the third missing love starts to show itself, and by the end of the relationship, it comes to overshadow the other two loves.

i like to think of them as the chakras of love, three glowing hot spots that everyone has in them.

it just takes the right person to light them all up.

How I Book Cheap Flights

I fly.

A lot.

So I consider myself a kind of cheap flight finding guru, and I'm often asked by my friends how much a certain flight should cost, or how to know when you're getting a good deal. They ask what sites I use, and how far in advance to book flights. Here I'll share some of my flight booking philosophies, as well as some of my favourite websites for booking flights.

First, I remember reading something a while ago that said when you get on a flight, it's unlikely that anyone else paid the exact same price for their ticket as you did. That being said, there is always flexibility when it comes to buying plane tickets. It's important to browse early for flights you want to take. I also advise you to click the "my dates are flexible" button when checking flights, because sometimes there can be a large change in price just a day or two around your chosen date. Also remember that flights on weekends are usually much more expensive than weekday flights.

If you can handle the geeky details - which I love - check out this interesting article by Fare Compare which thoroughly explains why Wendesday is the cheapest day to fly for domestic flights in Canada and the USA.

Before you book your ticket, it's important to check more than one site. It's easy to just type your desired destination into Google and hope for the best, but you'll probably have more luck looking for flights directly on a few good sites. Browsing a few sites can show you a great variety in price and help you find a better flight.

Here are my personal choices:

1. Hipmunk - I haven't been using this site for long, but I fell in love at my first search. This site easily calculates all of the flights for your destination in seconds, without opening annoying new tabs or windows. You can easily browse through the flights to find the cheapest and most comfortable flight for you. I am currently booking a flight to Nicaragua to meet my dear friend Brenna, and I'm not looking to arrive too late in the evening, so I've organized the flights according to arrival time. The best part of this site is that all of your browsing and comparing and clicking happens in one page which helps keep your flight options organized and easy to compare.

 Organizing flights by "agony" is one of the best features of Hipmunk: price, flight time, and stopovers are all calculated together into overall convenience.

2. Skyscanner - I like using this site more for browsing than for booking, because of one special feature. This site, unlike others, allows you to search for flights going "everywhere", which really opens up travel possibilities for someone like me. I have vacation time here in Korea, and many cities and countries appeal to me, so sometimes the best way to choose where to go is to see where the cheap flights are.

 

It seems right now, the cheapest place I'd be interested in visiting from Seoul would be Philippines. Not bad at under $300 round trip...

3. FlightAware - Here is another site that I like to use to get ideas for where to fly. It's also a good site for learning all the destinations your favourite airlines fly to. My personal favourite airline is Korean Air (though I have an Asiana flight coming up on Tuesday about which I've heard only wonderful things). I've clicked "Live Flight Tracking" for all current Korean Air flights, and right now there are 55 flights operating.

I didn't realize Korean Air flew to Auckland. Good to know for the next winter break!

4.  Expedia - I've been using this site since I started flying regularly, way back in 2002 when I went away for university. It was one of the most useful sites for me back then, as I could compare flights and book all within the same site. Upon logging in, all of your details and cards are automatically filled in, which helps when you fly frequently. I've now used this site for domestic flights in Canada, overseas flights to Europe, as well as for booking flights in Asia.

 

The option to search for flights in "nearby cities" can be helpful when your travels are open, as mine usually are. 

5. Air Asia - This site and I have a good relationship, most of the time. I can usually book flights easily, but sometimes the site has internal errors which cause the page to close while waiting for a purchased flight to be confirmed, which is suuuper frustrating. This happened once when I was booking a ticket from Bangkok to Yangon, and after an hour of sweating and screaming I was able to book my desired flight. For booking flights in Asia, this site does offer some of the best deals I've seen, so I'm willing to put up with the occasional site errors to get a better deal.

One good point about Air Asia's site is that it shows you the flight differences for the dates surrounding your chosen date automatically, to help you tailor your dates to the best rates.

There you have it kids! My favourite sites and favourite ways to search for good flight deals. I hope I've given you some good ideas for sites to browse. 

Now I want to hear from you. What site do you visit first when you need to book a flight? Post your answers as a comment here, or directly tweet them to me on Twitter!

Now just to book that flight to Nicaragua...

the un-language of love

we all imagine the relationships of our future.

we have an idea of our ideal type, and we know well the accents that make us melt. as travelers, we know we open ourselves to a world of atypical relationships. relationships which cross borders and cultures and oceans and races and continents, relationships which bring us a new awareness of the world. relationships which make us feel so alive we feel it in our cheeks and fingertips, feeling so very present with the feeling of new love. we know we will encounter novel situations where we don't know what to do because we've never thought about it. we find ourselves job hunting and considering settling in a country which we might not have thought twice about before meeting that one person who changes everything.

for me, that person is someone who doesn't speak english.
 

now that i've met him, the question comes to me: can i build a lasting relationship a person who doesn't share my native language?

one part of me quickly says no. it's impossible for him to meet my family and communicate with them, and it's hard when i want to introduce him to my friends. sometimes i feel i'll never really truly be able to understand everything he says, and for that reason i might miss out on parts of his personality and opinions. part of me says no.

but the other part of me, the more dominant part of me, the heart of me, it says yes. it's possible to understand each other, and our language barriers force us to communicate patiently together. this patience in conversation then leads to deeper understanding and trust between us. a person's heart is felt not through the words they use but how they communicate them. 

part of me says no, heart of me says yes.

seven tips for living alone

"being alone is very difficult." -Yoko Ono

i like yoko, like a lot, but on this, we disagree.

i have been living on my own on and off for the past 7 years, and it has recently come to my attention that living alone doesn't come naturally to some people. in the spirit of sharing experience and knowledge, and having coped with the difficulties of starting a life as a person living alone - my adjustment included eating french toast for every meal - i've compiled a list of my seven greatest tips for what will surely be a changing experience for anyone.

so here it is, expatkerri's seven tips for living alone.

1. get alone: when you first move into your new apartment alone, it can be very tempting to fill up your schedule with dinner plans and outings. such is life, especially in a big city offering live concerts and book clubs every night. however, part of the joy of living alone is that you have a place to go and do your thing without anyone bothering you, anytime you want. if you start to think of being alone at home as being somewhere, with someone (that person is you), you'll think of home as less of a last resort and more of a haven. With a little time, you'll soon look forward to being alone in your home.

2. get a hobby: at first, your newfound free time and personal space can be overwhelming. you might have many projects in mind that you want to start, but feel incapable of starting any of them for their sheer vastness. for this reason, picking one hobby to work on initially will help you narrow in on one task, and develop a sense of accomplishment for your time at home. expatkerri recommends knitting scarves for friends, starting a journal (of any kind), choosing an ethnicity of food to master, and video-blogging.

3. get tidy: there is nothing worse than living alone in a mess. not only is it unhygienic and unpleasant, it's also very hard to remedy the problem after it begins since there's no one on your tail to clean up. laundry piles can build up for months, and the good intentions with which you brought out the vacuum get covered in dust. you want to feel good when you come home, and that good feeling comes from having a good space to live in. the solution is just to do a 5-minute clean-up every day: wash dishes immediately after you use them. put clothes that need to be washed directly into the washing machine, and clothes that are still clean should go back in the closet right away. keep the bathroom clean and wash it before it's visibly dirty (once a week). you'll be surprised how little effort it takes to keep your apartment tidy and ready for guests.

4. get rid of your tv: since i moved out of my parents house at 17, i've had countless apartments in countless cities, all of them without tvs. i am absolutely of the belief that tv rots your brain, and living alone only makes you more likely to develop tv addiction and create poor sleeping habits. instead of exposing yourself to endless ads for prescriptions and remedies for diseases invented for profit, why not try reading the books you already own?

5. get a favourite radio station: though most people don't even own radios anymore, i still think they're a great item to have when you live alone. if you use it as your morning alarm, you'll be informed of the day's weather, and keep up with the news since there are no roommates to let you know when something big has happened. it's also nice to just have a voice in your apartment while cooking or emailing. here in korea i don't have my own radio, so i use online radio instead.

6. get creative: making meals for one can make you a lot more experimental in the kitchen, (because you'll soon tire of your old reliable meals like spaghetti and baked potatoes). don't get caught in the "i'm free so i can eat french toast for dinner every night" spell, since all those carbs will just end up making you sad. you'll feel a lot better physically and mentally after preparing yourself a little homemade pesto. i recommend heading over to veggiebelly for her super simple and delicious recipes, and freeze the extra portions to make a few days' dinners in one go.

7.  get ready: now that you're settled into your new clean apartment and experimenting with new recipes, the time will come when you want to entertain. just because you live alone doesn't mean you only need one spoon, one fork and one knife (i learned this the hard/embarrassing way when my guests ended up eating soup right out of the pot). set yourself up with a pair of wine glasses and cups of different sizes, as well as bowls and enough cutlery for a few good friends.

if you're still not convinced about being alone, watch this beautiful video and try some of her tips. especially the one about going to the movies alone.

let me be the first to welcome you to your wonderful new home for you and your mind. happy alone time :)

share you other tips for being alone as a twitter post here!

10 Side-Effects of Teaching English in Korea

10. accept and eat sweaty candies from children's hands
9. learn how to make a ten minute activity last one hour
8. watch your sentences in english become some kind of korean sentence
7. learn all sorts of swear words you would think only drunk ajusshi's would use
6. speak slowly and enunciate to the point that your family asks you why you sound the way you do
5. watch all idiomatic speech disappear from your vocabulary
4. ... along with all words of 3 or more syllables
3. develop an in-depth knowledge of starcraft terminology ("head shot")
2. experience dong-jib, and then never ever forget it
1. end up staying for 2 or 3 years more than you intended

The Best Camera

What camera do you use?

Do you love it?

Though I'm not big into brand loyalty, I love my Canon ELPH 300 hs. It's so light and portable, I can carry it with me everywhere I go so I'm ready anytime something video worthy happens - which can happen anywhere and anytime. Many of the best videos I've seen (and videos I've made) are spontaneous and stumble-upon kind of situations. All the HD videos I post on my Youtube account are recorded with this magnificent little camera.

This camera was with me on my recent travels through Southeast Asia. I recorded lots of travel vlogs with it, and I was satisfied with the quality of the videos. However, looking through my pictures, without perfect lighting some photos aren't as clear and as crisp as I want them to be. I've started printing out photos to display as travel memories, but I can only print photos from this camera to about 8" × 12" (about the same as an A4 paper) before losing significant quality.

Photos help us remember places and people, and we should be able to preserve our memories in the best and clearest way we can. For this reason, I would love to hear some recommendations for a new and better camera from you, my readers. I still want something light and I'd prefer a camera that is not as conspicuous as a DSLR. I appreciate your help! Happy snapping!